June 4, 2011

"You Don't Know What A Crazy Person'll Do!"

First off, let me start by saying that this post is being specifically written for the 24-Hour Blogathon going down in Enid this weekend.  In honor of this event I am writing about something that happened to me a few months back in my hometown.  If you would like more information about the 24-Hour Blogathon, check out the blog of my good friend, Eric at www.followeric.com.     
If you have followed my blog for a while, hopefully you’ll remember a couple of my stories about my old Chevy Blazer.  You know the one… it broke down in the middle of nowhere at 1am… I put weather stripping in the door and took a shower in the front seat… Yep!  That’s the one!  Well, I must be moving up in the world because I finally got rid of it and bought a new car.  But fear not, my friends.  I’m sure there are more Blazer stories to come because I sold it to my parents… suckers. 
In February I became the proud owner of a Volkswagen New Beetle.  I know, I know… you either love this car or hate this car.  Most people hate it but I don’t care.  I think it’s cute. And guess what?  It starts when I tell it to AND it doesn’t stop until I tell it to either!  That was very hard to get used to but it’s become one of my favorite features of the car.  After minutes and minutes of deliberation, I decided to name him Baron Umberto Grunewald but I just call him “The Baron”.
In the middle of March I planned a trip to drive back to my hometown, Enid, to surprise my dad for his birthday.  I hadn’t been home in over 6 months and a lot of it was because I didn’t trust my Blazer to get me there and back in one piece!  But with The Baron, that was no longer an issue.  I was free to roam the open road to my heart’s content.  And roam I did.  I was so thrilled to get on the highway and know that The Baron wasn’t going to
1)    overheat
2)    spew water
3)    smoke like a chimney
It felt great to finally have some confidence in my vehicle. The only thing was that on this trip I still had a temporary paper tag from the dealership and I hadn't got my insurance switched over to the new car. I know that's irresponsible but I just hadn't gotten it done yet!
I tell you all of this so you will know, after reading this story that what proceeded to occur this fateful night in Enid was in no way The Baron’s fault.  He’s a good car, nay, a great car! He just has a ridiculous owner…
This story really begins in Tulsa.  I was just getting off work at 7am and was preparing to leave and head for E-town.  I had already packed my car up and left straight from work.  I was actually really excited to go home and see my family and friends.  So excited in fact, that I completely forgot to go to the ATM before I left town and get cash out for the toll booths between Tulsa and Enid. 
There are exactly 2 toll booths between the cities and in all of my years traveling between the two, I had never forgotten the cash.  I didn’t even know what would happen if you got to the toll and didn’t have money.  But I found out...  Apparently you have to exit the highway, drive 20 miles down the road to a terrifying town called Oilton, exit your vehicle, enter the single town gas station, use their ATM while being oogled by old guys in overalls and no teeth, scurry back to your vehicle then drive the 20 miles back to the same toll booth and pay.
That is "Story of Abby" enough really but it gets even better.  After all of that I finally I get home!  I pull up in front of my parents house and get out to the trunk to unload some of my things when, what should my lovely eyes behold?    My temporary tag from the dealership is nowhere to be found!  And since I had pretty much done laps around the Sooner State all morning, Lord only knows where it ended up!  So, by now I’m in a bad mood.  I have been up all night because I worked, I forgot the toll cash, I had to go 40 miles out of the way, I had creepy old guy images in my head and now my tag was gone.  It wasn’t even 10am! My mood was so horrible that when I walked in the house I looked at my dad, said “surprise” with a frown on my face and went straight to my room and went to sleep.
While I was pouting/sleeping, my dad called the Police Department to ask what we should do.  They were so helpful.  “Don’t drive it or you’ll get a ticket.”
So, here I am.  First time home in 6 months, new car that I can’t drive, confined to my parents home for the next 48 hours.  I can’t go anywhere, I can’t go see my friends, I can’t even go to Davinci’s for coffee!  Luckily my sister came over in the evening and we played hours of “Just Dance!”  Working it out with some Beyonce and Ke$ha always makes me feel better.  But at 2am I had had enough with being quarantined!  I was breaking out!  Car tag or not!
So my sister and I hop in The Baron and take off!  Driving that thing like we stole it! Avoiding the po-po at every turn.  We were cruising all over town, hitting up all the good spots… Walmart, Van Buren drag… then at 2:10am, after going everywhere fun, we decided to drive through McDonald’s.  I can eat McNuggets anytime, anywhere.
Pulling into McDonald’s we noticed straight away that we picked the worst time to come.  It was 2:15am and the bars had just closed so all of the loonies in Enid were either at IHOP or in the drive-thru at McDonalds.  Do you know how many loonies are in Enid?! A LOT!  I immediately got nervous because if you've spent any time in Enid at all you know that anywhere there is a hoard of drunk people theres gonna be cops. And I was driving a car with no tag and no insurance. 

But I had worked up quite an appetite dancing so I decided to chance it for bthe nuggets. We were the fifth car in line at the drive-thru and it was moving sloooooooow. Finally I saw those break lights from car number one go off and it started to move. Then car number two moved up. Then car number three. Then car number fo... Wait, why isn't car number four moving?  "Hello! Car number four!  MOVE!"  Still nothing. So, being the obnoxious person that I am, I start inching up little by little, getting as close as I can to car number four, trying to tick them off enough so they'll move. I was approximately 3.657 inches from them and still... No movement. 

Now at this point I'm pretty annoyed. And I thought there was nothing else in the world that could make me even more annoyed but then the car behind me, car number six, whips around me AND car number four and cuts in line!! I know, right?! 

After that I just wanted to go home. I was mad and angry and I was still nervous about the po-po. But we were already here so I just reversed a bit and proceeded to pull around car four. I thought of a few mean things I wanted to do or say to car number fours' driver as I pulled around but none of them were things Jesus would do so I decided against them all. I was just going to smile politely and keep moving. But when I pulled up next to them my sister and I noticed the driver of the car was passed out STONE COLD in the front seat!  I mean head rolled over to the side, eyes glazed over, passed out! 

My sister immediately gets out of the car to see if she's okay, I go park the car. I expected my sister to knock on the passenger side window to get the lady's attention or maybe even the drivers side but no, she is rushing the driver, opening the door, trying to wake her up. I jumped outta my car and screamed at my sister across the parking lot, "Don't touch her! You don't know what a crazy person'll do!"  Obviously my sister ignored me. And I know she meant well but I was scared the person would wake up and shoot my sister! But as hard as she tried she could not get car number fours' driver to regain consciousness. Thank God her car was a standard and we were on level ground!

This whole time car number's seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven... are all just passing us! Going around us in the line like nothing was happening. Dang drunks. 

After minutes of trying to wake the lady we had no choice but to call the police. That's right, the po-po. The one group of people we'd been trying all night to avoid!  My sister dialed 911 and while we were waiting for them another girl came to help and was trying to find the drivers' identification or insurance.  And I should have been over trying to help my sister keep things in control, but all I could think about was getting busted for my own lack of valid car information!  I even panicked and pulled my car out of my parking spot and reparked with my car reversed so when the officers came they wouldn't notice The Baron's tagless behind. 

Luckily for me since my sister is the one who called in the crazy lady they only needed her information. I narrowly escaped a trip to the clinker!  But I'll tell you, I was a nervous wreck the whole time we were talking with the police! My heart rate was up so high and I could just see me calling 911 to turn someone in and ending up in jail myself! That's the story of my life... Thats the Story of Abby. 


  1. Totally enjoyed the blog Abby.......well worth the wait. Glad it all worked out that night. We have also enjoyed your visit back in enid very much... Lots of love :o)

  2. Only you can tell a story this well. Your blog is by far my favorite. You win. Good job :)

  3. You are my favorite blogger on the face OF THE PLANET!!! Toooooo funny!!!