Here's a good one to start things off. You know, just to get your feet wet and help you to understand the ridiculousness that is the story of my life. Oh, and let me add that everything, as embarrassing as it may be, is 100% truth. Nothing has been embellished at all. So, just remember that as you read on and try to picture this story...
I am a huge fan of the laundromat. Aside from actually having to do my laundry, I think it's quite fun. In my years at college, I spent many an afternoon at the Circle K in Tahlequah separating and washing my duds for only $1.50 a load (which I thought as very reasonable). I witnessed numerous hilarities at the Circle K including an elderly Hispanic man who liked to steal laundry carts from the pretty college girls. At first I thought he was being mean, but then I realized he was using the opportunity to strike up conversations and, more or less, flirt. Yuck. I also would regularly see a group of early 20's-ish Native American boys who would come in and all do their laundry at the same time. After they started the washers (taking nearly every one of them!) they would all proceed to the convenience store next door to hang out and be hoodlums. But it never failed, every time, one of them would sneak back in and go through all of the washing machines, pulling out every pair of his friends' underwear he could find, and then hang them from the hanger racks throughout the ENTIRE laundromat! Needless to say, when they all returned, chaos would ensue. And honestly, it was hilarious all 3 times I saw it happen.
I wish that the story I'm about to share with you was hilarious. It's not. In fact, "hilarious" is the last word that comes to mind when I recall this tale. I think more upon words like, "terrifying", "gross" and "embarrassing". But I'll let you be the judge...
It was a Tuesday afternoon. Summer. A wonderful time to be in Tahlequah. I didn't normally do my laundry on Tuesdays but I was busy the Sunday before, so I had to put it off a few days. I arrived at the Circle K surprised that there was not another soul in sight. Maybe they all knew what happens at the Circle K on Tuesdays and no one cared to let me in... Jerks. Anyways, I went all the way to the east side of the building, and loaded my 3 washing machines. One for lights, one for darks, one for reds, and then snuggled into my seat by the window with a good book. Now, let me say this, the Circle K was pretty big! Probably around 100 washers/dryers! So, I wasn't worried about getting in anyone's way or vice versa. Boy, was I in for a treat.
About 20 minutes later another person came in. Please, don't judge me but as soon as I saw who it was I thought, "Oh, great. This is just perfect..." I know, I'm horrible. It was none other than the town hobo. Okay, I'm sure there was more than one but I feel like he was the only one I ever saw around town. He was your typical hobo, dirty and grungy, complete with his trash bag of extra clothes in tow. Now look, I don't dislike hobos. I mean, they're cool right? Sleeping on park benches, using newspapers for pillows. I think it all sounds very thrilling, but the one thing I don't like bout them is... the smell. So, you can imagine how I felt when the hobo walked up and dumped his trash bag of goodies into the machine right next to my clothes. Of all the machines there, over 90 others to choose from, he wants the ONE right next to me!
And you know, that would be bad enough if that's where this story had ended. But oh, no. Not when you're Abby... The hobo then proceeds to wrap himself up with a dirty, shabby blanket that he pulled out of his trash bag, and STRIP off all of his clothes underneath. And when I say "all of his clothes", I mean ALL OF HIS CLOTHES! Trust me, I saw the unmentionables. I'm still trying to get the memory out of my head. And again, that would be bad enough if the story stopped there! But, nope... there's more.
After wrapping himself up in the blanket, like its a stinkin' beach towel, and stripping off all this clothes and throwing them in the machine... he starts it up and sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME. There are at least 4 seats on either side of me and easily 50 throughout the rest of the laundromat. But no, he wants the seat right next to me. It was awful, humiliating, and stinky. I immediately jumped up and pretended to tend to my laundry but the damage was done!
Of course, I shared this experience with close friends and family. I wanted to warn them of the frightening things that could come about on a Tuesday afternoon at the Circle K! I did not want to see someone I love have to face the same horrible experience that I had. I thought they would be grateful for the warning. But, no. Instead they laughed, like it was the funniest thing they'd ever heard.
To this day, I have friends in Tahlequah, that when they see the hobo, will call me up to remind me of that awful day. "Hey Abs! Just saw your naked hobo walking around by Sam & Ella's! Haha!" "Yo Abby! Your naked hobo boy says hi!" Yeah, that really happens... at least once a month. And I hate how they say, "YOUR naked hobo..." Like, that's what I want, a hobo of my very own. Gee, thanks!
Does stuff like that happen to other people? Are there others out there who have their own "Naked Hobo" stories?! I doubt it. Things like this just don't happen to other people. Things like this only happen to me. Seriously, it's the story of my life... It's the Story of Abby.